Mediation that keeps decisions in your hands

What family mediation is

Separating often means making big decisions at a time when talking to each other feels hard. Mediation gives those conversations a structure. A trained, neutral mediator helps you and your former partner identify the issues, explore options and reach decisions you can both accept.

The mediator doesn’t take sides and doesn’t make decisions for you. You stay in control of the outcome – which is often why mediated agreements last.

Mediation can cover almost every part of a separation: parenting schedules, decision-making responsibility (what used to be called custody), child and spousal support, and dividing property and debts. It can happen in the same room, by video, or in separate rooms with the mediator moving between you.

It’s also voluntary. Either of you, or the mediator, can pause or end the process at any time if it isn’t working or doesn’t feel safe.

How we can help

Marcus Ashby is an accredited family mediator who also practises collaborative family law. Depending on what you need, Marcus can act as a neutral mediator for both of you, or we can support you as your own lawyer while you mediate with someone else.

• Neutral mediation. Marcus can mediate for both of you, helping you work through each issue at a pace that feels manageable.

• Legal advice alongside mediation. If you’re working with another mediator, we can advise you privately between sessions so you know your rights before you agree to anything.

• Preparing you for sessions. We help you gather financial information, think through your priorities and know which questions to ask.

• Turning agreement into a contract. Once you’ve reached terms, we can draft or review the separation agreement so it’s clear and enforceable.

• Independent legal advice before signing. We review the final agreement with you, separately from your former partner, before you sign.

• Exploring other options. If mediation isn’t a good fit, we’ll talk through alternatives such as collaborative law, negotiation between lawyers or arbitration.

How the process works

Most mediations follow a similar path, though the number of sessions depends on how many issues you have and how close you already are. Some families settle in one or two sessions; others meet several times over a few months.

1. Intake and screening. The mediator meets each of you separately to understand your situation and to screen for family violence, safety concerns and power imbalances. This is a standard and important step.

2. Agreement to mediate. You both sign an agreement setting out the ground rules, how fees are shared and whether the mediation is confidential (often called “closed”) or can be reported to a court (“open”).

3. Sharing information. You exchange the financial documents and information needed to make informed decisions about support and property.

4. Mediation sessions. The mediator helps you work through each issue, keeps the conversation focused and helps you test options. Sessions often last a few hours.

5. Summary of terms. When you reach agreement, the mediator writes up the terms in a summary, often called a memorandum of understanding. It usually isn’t binding on its own.

6. Legal advice and signing. Each of you takes the terms to your own lawyer for independent legal advice. The terms are then put into a signed separation agreement or a court order made on consent.

Common mistakes to avoid

• Going in without legal advice. Mediators can share general legal information but can’t give either of you legal advice. Talk to your own lawyer so you know what’s fair.

• Skipping financial disclosure. Agreements built on guesses can be unfair and may be set aside later. Share complete, current information.

• Treating it like a contest. Mediation works best when you focus on solutions and your children’s needs, not on proving who was right.

• Signing the summary on the spot. Take the mediator’s summary to your own lawyer before you sign anything that becomes binding.

• Staying when it doesn’t feel safe. If you feel intimidated or afraid, tell the mediator or your lawyer. Mediation can be paused, adjusted or ended.

• Expecting one session to solve everything. Complex issues take time. A little patience usually leads to a better, longer-lasting agreement.

Is mediation right for you?

Mediation works well for many families, but not all. It tends to suit people who can share information honestly, speak up for themselves and keep their children’s interests at the centre.

It may not be suitable where there has been family violence, coercive control or a serious power imbalance – for example, if one person controls the money or is afraid of the other. That’s why a family mediator screens each person privately before starting. Sometimes adjustments help, such as separate rooms (shuttle mediation), video sessions or having lawyers attend. Sometimes mediation simply isn’t the right tool, and that’s okay.

It also helps to know what a mediator can and can’t do. A mediator is neutral and can explain how the law generally works, but can’t advise either of you or tell you whether a proposal is good for you. That’s why independent legal advice matters.

If you want the certainty of a decision when you can’t agree, some families choose mediation-arbitration, where an arbitrator can make a binding decision on any issues left unresolved. Ontario has specific rules for family arbitration, including screening and independent legal advice for each person, and we can explain whether it fits your situation.

What to do next

If you’re wondering whether mediation could work for your family, start with a conversation. We’ll listen, explain your options honestly and help you decide whether mediation, another approach or a combination makes the most sense.

Book your free 30-minute confidential consultation – in person in Newmarket, by phone or by video – and take the first calm step forward.